Whole love, Mature love, a Healthy Habit

March 8, 2018

Top us on the beach in Clearwater, Florida; bottom various love shots of Bunny & Bearli.

 

On the morning train speaking with one of my most treasured friends, my heart smiled when she said to me - "I feel better, that was sitting on my chest and talking it out made me feel better plus clarified what I know is the right thing to do." This friend is a wise and generous person who often gives me cause to feel filled with gratitude and her statement reminded me that Healthy Habits go far beyond food and deep into the reaches of lifestyle choices and attitudes. The essence of this section of my playful site, and our chat inspired me to this post. Especially as it is in fact conversations with this same friend which accompany me on my conscious exploration of the practical, daily ways, that illustrate the concepts of mature love. Whole love which extends beyond my romantic visions.

 

Recently, listening to Alain de Botton speak gave me both hope and perspective on this subject. With the title -  Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person -  this talk seemed negative, even daunting. As I listened, the wisdom and spirit of what Alain de Botton was saying sunk into my being.

 

 

Over and over I listened to this talk and each time my heart was touched by the reality and practicality of what de Botton offers the listener.

Eloquently he exposes the subtle nuances that create the life-sized issues which make-up the often incongruent realities of love. With intelligence and humor he paints scenes of love that expand beyond the initial concepts of romance to the banalities of daily life and how it is in these small moments that we  have the space to truly feel, give, and receive love. Reminding us that the demand for perfection only leads to loneliness, as we cannot have perfection and company; that to be in company with another person is to be negotiating imperfection every day. The work of love is to make us graciously accommodate each other, and ourselves, to each others incompatibilities; positioning compatibility as an achievement of love, as it is through love that we gradually accept the need to be compatible.

 

A hopeless romantic myself, my ideas of love have been stretched and challenged every day for just over a decade in my ever evolving relationship with my husband. Preparing this post, I had a particular moment where I felt radiant love, and in that moment I wrote him a message - I am daily overwhelmed by how much more I can love you - his response was that I must be out of my mind. Indeed, being a little out of one's mind plays a role in love. What is for sure, the deeper I enter whole, mature love the bigger my life gets, which confirms it for me, this kind of love is a healthy habit that I professionally recommend as a daily practice. To get your habit started, you too can listen to the talk that inspired me to this post, Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person. At the very least, hug someone you love and interpret your love and theirs with grace and generosity. 

 

 

 

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